Friday, March 27, 2009

The Absolute Worst Family Christmas Card Ever!


I hate family Christmas cards. There's nothing good about them. Well, on second thought, I suppose that it's nice to hear from everyone, and how their kids are doing really well, and are in the advanced program, and can mountain climb and water ski, and have learned Mandarin Chinese, and go to bed at 7:00 pm every night, but only because they get up at 5:00 am to train for their next marathon.

To make matters worse, they always have that blasted picture on the front of the card that is perfect. How do people get those pictures? I've never even once gotten a picture like that from my three boys. Never. I'm assuming that there is a family photo alteration service somewhere out there that I don't know about. "For an extra fifty bucks we can remove that finger from your child's nose, make his eyes look in the right direction and even put a smile on his face!"

Last year, after hours of trying to get a decent picture (I had given up on good, I just wanted something that didn't have anyone making gang signs), I had a flash of brilliance. It suddenly dawned on me how absurd it was trying to convince everyone out there that my family is something that it's not. Give them reality! I had many, many pictures to choose from. The one that you see above was the worst of the lot.

That snapshot is a perfect representation of what our typical holiday photo shoot is like. Nolan was pouting because he didn't have a striped sweater. Immediately after that shot was taken Evan elbowed both brothers in the face. His expression says it all. I couldn't get B's finger out of his nose to save my life. I have at least 20 pictures from that set with him up to the second knuckle. To tie everything together into a nice pretty package, the picture is slightly out of focus.

This is the photo that went out on our family Christmas card last year. Joy to the world. Merry Christmas. This was our way of making everyone else feel better about their families.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love the story, the picture, and all that came with it. It is reality and kudos to you for putting it out there (and the pic is hilarious)... especially now with the details told behind each child.
--Deanna

Heather G. said...

You had me at 'Mandarin Chinese'. Hilarious, freakin hilarious. You are now marked on my folowers list, sent an email to some friends and will give you a shout out on my blog www.rya-west.blogspot.com - so great to see a dad's perspective in a sea of mommybloggers (me being one of them). Keep it up dad!

The Dadical said...

Thanks Heather G. I love mommy bloggers! You've got to have something painful in your life to be interesting, and who has more pain than moms?

Deborah said...

Priceless photo! Many points to you for using it as your Christmas card. Love it!

Out-Numbered said...

The card should be a shot of you getting the snot beat out of you by your boys with the boxing gloves. That would have been a good one. :-)

Out-Numbered said...

Hey bro, Thanks for always checking out my site... I just added you to the Out-Numbered Blogroll. Keep bringin' the funny! :-)

Krissy said...

I agree with everyone hear and ditto that it is very refreshing to read a daddy blog (with a sense of humor to boot!) Keep it up! I'm following!

Ian said...

Great photo. It would have been even better if he'd actually been picking his nose. People would have rembered that card forever!

A Vecchioni said...

I agree with you about the family Christmas card--everyone is always a genius who has traveled the far corners of the world and is involved in some magnanimous philanthropy project. Rock solid article. Keep up the great work.

Sashindoubutsu said...

cool blog! keep posting.. :)

3d Animation Studio said...

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Keep it up and Post more Posting..

Dulce said...

this was TOO CUTE and funny. i think we all have fears that we have the most dyfunctional family but when you get beyond the surface and airbrushing its always the real moments that standout the most and makes the love grow stronger. well done! :-D

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