Snake Whipping in Church

I've almost made it back to the point where I can enjoy the church service again. It's been about seven years. The boys are now able to make it through the program being for the most part entertained with coloring books, offering envelopes, pages from the hymnal and the like. It generally doesn't take more than a few threats or glares on my part. Only occasionally do I actually have to take them out any more.

I say I've almost made it back because there are still moments when I'm reminded that things can regress in an instant. I don't yet dare start taking naps again. If I want to risk reading through the bulletin I still need to be prepared to accept the consequences.

Last week we let the boys each pick out a nature toy to take. Evan of course took T-Rex, Braden took a rubber snake, and Nolan I don't think cared to take anything.

At one point during a prayer I saw Braden stand up. In the video reenactment this is where the slow-motion will begin. He reached over and picked up his rubber snake. Keep in mind this is one of those rubber snakes that is actually about six feet long when fully extended. Anyway, he takes aim and does an Indiana Jones bull whip on an elderly lady sitting two pews ahead of us. It was a direct hit. Right on the head. The poor woman visibly jumped at least six inches off of her pew. Holding her head with one hand, she looked around quickly to see the uncoiled viper draped over her shoulder. I don't know if it was the snake or my kid, but she had an easily identifiable look of disgust on her face.

I didn't know what to do. There is no etiquette for snake whipping in church. I grabbed the snake and pulled it back in, and then grabbed Braden, who was beginning to realize that things were not going to end well.

After the service, I told Michele that she should go and appologize to the lady for what her son had done. She eventually agreed and slowly approached. It turns out that the woman was a visitor who didn't speak any English. I can only imagine the impression that this poor woman left with. What kind of conversations is she having right now with her spanish-speaking elderly friends about the odd snake-whipping rituals that she observed first-hand?